Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Fears of Fatherhood!

ok, having a baby is no picnic. There is no book out there, magazine i can find and "new parents advice" that i get that can calm my nerves down. So many thoughts, so  much to do and so little time. We are already 17 weeks, i mean it was just yesterday i was running through the complex screaming i am pregnant. And now my baby is the size of a butternut. Sigh! I wanna be the best dad, EVER, i research everything, study like crazy but i am still full of fear. What if i freeze, or forget everything i have so dutifully studied, crammed and memorized?
And there is the expenses. DONT GET ME STARTED on that. I have been constantly doing mental calculations, and jesus these little things are bloody expensive. I still dont know how? I mean they are like 2 feet tall and they cost a fortune.
Dont get me wrong, i am not having second thoughts, or even doubts. Just looking at the photos of the baby sleeping in my wife's tummy bring me to tears, and thats not an easy thing to do to an emotionally distant ass lilke myself. I am dying to meet the little one, show him or her the world, teach em everything, all the lil secrets and short cuts. Give him/her everything i never had, the oppurtunities i lost.
But thats where my fear comes in, the baby is bonding with my wife everyday, what if when it comes i am just another stranger or weird googoo gaga face??
For the first time i dont know how to fix this, everyone tells me it will come naturally, its instinctive. Well thats not good enough for me, i want to be the best thing that kid ever has. Maybe i just have to read more, or study some. I wanna be ready for what ever the baby needs. Or then again, maybe i am just fussing over nothing, or being a paranoid father. Heh, father? I could seriously get used to being called that. :)

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