Credit where its due!!

You know, i have been going on and on about me becoming a father, and how epic it is plus scary. But i have noticed i actually haven't actually commended someone, a very very important person to me. My best friend, lover, my wife.
You know, alot of poeple claim they are the luckiest man alive cause they married some special girl, but i have to say this, they have nothing on me. Yes i know that sounds arrogant, but you know what? I am! My whole life i spent seeking revenge on the fairer sex, ever since i had my heart crushed, i made it a point to exact out my pain 10 fold. And i got good at it, i mean real good. Picking out women became a gift, i barely ever was told no. So when i came to this great country R.S.A, i expected nothing less, and i was right. They women were just as easy. Save 1.
Nikki Vuyisanani Golonkiewicz, she really did stand out from the rest, i never was interested in her when i first met her, she was just this really awesome person to be around. And her heart, it is 3 times as big. She actually saved my sorry ass, no lie. I actually owe her everything. And she did it because she said i was her friend.
I have been everywhere around the world met alls kindsa poeple, but i have never met a friend like that, who risked everything for me. She got to know me, the REAL me, she still stayed and was my friend, and believe me when i saww i screwed up a couple of times real bad, we still stayed friends. Even after the couple of steamy runchy moments we had, in secret hahahaha. Yeah those were really good times, but alas thats a whole completely different story. ;)
Then she did something now girl has ever actually done, she actually made me cry. Now alot of people mght think thats a bad thing, but for me it was the best thing any girl could do. You see, her ability to make me cry made me realize, that she was the first girl to weasel her way into my heart, and i made a promise, which ever girl could make me care enough to cry, i was gonna keep her for good. So i did. And she said yes.
We have been married for over a year, and its been the event of my life, i really didn't think life could be this amazing or grand. But once again, Nikki  had to just get the better of me. She made a father. I can honestly say, women are by far the superior sex, the shit they go through just to have a baby, the changes, the pain and the mind set. I envy their strength and dedication. But i also fear that level of responsibility. I am not a quitter i never back down, but i have seen how a woman cant fall asleep, cause her body just wont adjust to the changes, her hormones just mind fucking her brain. And somehow she still keeps it together and smiles when i wanna say hello to my baby in her tummy.
I thought i couldnt love ger anymore than i did when i said i do, but watching her, looking at all the small things she does, and watching her bring my baby to this world, i have fallen into a deeper kind of love, i cant even explain.
So whenever i walk in at 6am from work and i wake her up with a slow kiss, and she says what was that for? I smile and say nothing, but inside i am thinking, thats for making me the happiest man alive, and for saving me from my past.
So here is to Nikki, a fine women, one of a kind. Here is to my wife and the mother of my child. I can never say i love you enough, even after i am dead.

The Fears of Fatherhood!

ok, having a baby is no picnic. There is no book out there, magazine i can find and "new parents advice" that i get that can calm my nerves down. So many thoughts, so  much to do and so little time. We are already 17 weeks, i mean it was just yesterday i was running through the complex screaming i am pregnant. And now my baby is the size of a butternut. Sigh! I wanna be the best dad, EVER, i research everything, study like crazy but i am still full of fear. What if i freeze, or forget everything i have so dutifully studied, crammed and memorized?
And there is the expenses. DONT GET ME STARTED on that. I have been constantly doing mental calculations, and jesus these little things are bloody expensive. I still dont know how? I mean they are like 2 feet tall and they cost a fortune.
Dont get me wrong, i am not having second thoughts, or even doubts. Just looking at the photos of the baby sleeping in my wife's tummy bring me to tears, and thats not an easy thing to do to an emotionally distant ass lilke myself. I am dying to meet the little one, show him or her the world, teach em everything, all the lil secrets and short cuts. Give him/her everything i never had, the oppurtunities i lost.
But thats where my fear comes in, the baby is bonding with my wife everyday, what if when it comes i am just another stranger or weird googoo gaga face??
For the first time i dont know how to fix this, everyone tells me it will come naturally, its instinctive. Well thats not good enough for me, i want to be the best thing that kid ever has. Maybe i just have to read more, or study some. I wanna be ready for what ever the baby needs. Or then again, maybe i am just fussing over nothing, or being a paranoid father. Heh, father? I could seriously get used to being called that. :)

The Beginning of Fatherhood!

So its been 16 weeks since i found out that i am gonna be a dad, and i can tell you this, its a life changing event. I have been shit scared some days, thinking i wont be the parent that i should be. I also have been so worried i might fail as a provider or father. But then i realize, that i am still here and i am still excited to meet my lil one, and even though i havent met this little being i have never felt this much love before. And i know i would do ANYTHING for him\her, hell i would die gladly protecting my baby. I keep imagining the first time i get to see the baby, and how he\she will react to me.
I have been reading every book i can lay my hands on about babies and pregnancy, my wife rolls her eyes, she thinks i am a nerd and slightly obsessed, maybe i am. Cause all i can think about is makinng sure my child has everything i never had, and all the oppurtunities available. I fear i might spoil the lil tiger hahahaha but hey, thats what dads do best right?
We get to finally see the sex of the baby, in 7 days, i have done all the old wives tales and i believe i already know, but thats my secret hehe. Either way though a healthy child is all i can really hope for. I have so much to teach and tell em.
I never knew that something so small could make me feel so big and strong, but so scared and fragile. I have to say, i give women a whole new found respect, they go through this amazing yet extremely hard event for 9 months. The sacrifice and dedication is unimaginable. I actually envy my wife sometimes, she has a bond with my baby i will never truly have or understand. Lucky!
So everynight i talk to her\him, sing too, even though i have been told my voice is a secret weapon of mass destruction. But ii am sure my baby loves it just the way it is. Last night i spent maybe 30 mins just listening to his\her heartbeat, whilst we fell asleep, i still cant believe that i made that, thats my baby!

Blast from the past.

So mhy wife has found some secret source or stash of my old old photos where i looked like a complete idiot in the name of cool and fashion. #facepalm, dare i actually say i looked at these photos and i wept inside, did i really think afro's were cool. Now she wont reveal where this hidden online source is and has alot more according to her.
You probably are wondering what can be so bad, well i cant explain, so i shall just have to show you on of them, and this is actually the least embarrassing of the lot.

A means to my beginning!

So  finally i get my tablet back, which means i am now back to the world of mobile inter-net. Feels so could i can update my blog, vblog and pretty much whatever the hell i want whenever i want.
Yes yes, i know, i am a complete nerd, and i know i am dependant on my micro tech, dont judge. Being in South Africa for 4 years and going, i still havent made that many friends, but now its a choice. So i have reverted to my tech, and my very very anti-social activities. Besides i am also married which means fun just got kicked out the fucking window. LOL, please dont think my wife is a hag or the wicked witch from the west, but it is always safer to avoid the possiblity of being in a tempting situation. Know what i mean.??
So now i am back to updating the crazyness of my beloved country, my life and pretty much anything i fond interesting.. PLEASE REMEMBER, THIS BLOG WILL CONTAIN MATURE CONTENT!! I tend to swear alot, and blurt out my opinions in an unedited version. And my humour though is witty and sometimes cynical. I do have a crude sense too.
Sit back and enjoy my friends, and let this ride start.

Back with a vengeance.

Ok guys so I am coming back to my blog. It's been too long and I need somewhere to vent and just open up. But not right now, cause it 04:34 in the morning I have been working since 18:00 I am bushed. Stay tune and be amazed.